


Everything and Nothing

by slash4femme



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Anbu Maito Gai, Angst, First Time, Fluff, M/M, Pre-Series, Rimming, mentions of cannon death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-12
Updated: 2010-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-28 00:17:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10819740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slash4femme/pseuds/slash4femme
Summary: Gai is worth giving it all up for. Where Gai joins ANBU in order to watch out for Kakashi and Kakashi doesn't like that at all.





	Everything and Nothing

**Author's Note:**

> Not beta'd, sorry guys, written for 6th Gai/Kakashi challenge over at ygallery.
> 
> also this was written before the filler episodes about Kakashi and Gai's childhood aired in the US. Because of that I made up my own backstory for them, which turned out to be slightly off from canon.

****I.

  
“You can’t do this.”

Gai doesn’t even look at him, “yes, in fact I can.”

Gai picks up his gear and brushes by the other man and Kakashi grinds his teeth so hard he’s sure Gai can hear.

“Look Gai-”

“What do you expect me to do Rival, let you get yourself killed?”

Kakashi fights down the urge to through something at the other man. “Damn it, Gai . . .”

But Gai is already gone.

II.

Kakashi doesn’t grieve quietly, nor gracefully. Not that he weeps and wails, no, in fact he hardly cries at all, not even when he’s alone locked in the bathroom of his apartment. What Kakashi does is seek out work, a never-ending stream of it in fact, and he’s good at missions, good in ANBU. Why he does it shouldn’t matter to anyone.

Of course it matters to Gai.

Gai is good in ANBU as well, good at missions, good at doing what needs to be done, just as quietly and skilled as the rest.

Kakashi loves ANBU because when the mask goes on who he is, who he doesn’t want to be anymore disappears and all that is left is the job. When the mask goes on everything that Gai is disappears too, and Kakashi can’t stand that.

The first time they ever work a mission together Kakashi goes back to his room, a mass of adrenaline, jangling nerves and grief, and destroys everything he can lay his hands on.

His mind keeps going back to when he first met Gai, the quiet almost shy boy, repressing everything that makes him Gai in hopes that people wouldn’t despise him, wouldn’t ridicule him. Not that it worked, Gai wasn’t a genius like Kakashi, back in those days Gai had been awkward and talentless, second rate at everything. Kakashi remembers the first time he ever saw Gai smile, really smile, the day he’d woken up in the hospital a week after tearing open six gates in one go. He tries to remember the last time he’s seen Gai smile like that.

He asks specifically not to be sent out with Gai and works with Tenzou instead. It doesn’t always work out the way he’d like it to though and there are missions, stealthy kills in the dark, which Kakashi’s team does with Gai’s team. After the second one, the third mission Kakashi’s had with Gai since going AMBU, Kakashi faces the true.

After the mission is over, sitting curled into a ball in the bathtub in his apartment, water beating down on him, Kakashi admits that he can’t handle this.

Gai is the only person he has left, a good person, honest and honorable in ways Kakashi truly believes he will never be. Kakashi _cannot_ see Gai stand surrounded by dead bodies wearing a porcelain mask. Gai might be able to do it, might be good at it even, Kakashi just can’t handle watching him do it. Kakashi doesn’t want to see Gai ever lie like that, ever be dishonest in anything. Like any ANBU soldier, Gai closes a part of himself off when he puts on the mask and Kakashi can’t stand it.

It breaks his heart.

He finally forces himself out of the bathtub and spends the rest of the night pacing his tiny apartment weighing his options. This is Gai so Kakashi knows he doesn’t have many. Kakashi finally decides just to talk to Gai the next day.

That, as it turns out, doesn’t go well.

_“What do you expect me to do Rival, let you get yourself killed?”_

Kakashi slams his fist into the nearest wall, the ability to stay cool and calm that he prides himself so much on totally gone. He knows Gai has been worried, still is worried evidently. He knows he’d been a little on the reckless side, since the loss of Yondaime and Rin. But this . . . this is intolerable and frustrating. It makes him want to grab Gai and shakes him and scream ‘don’t you know you are more important to me than that.’

For several long moments, Kakashi can’t breathe and he can’t think. When he does, he realizes grimly he really only has two options. Get used to this version of Gai who can calmly, and quietly lie about his own identity and assassinating people, or he can quit. Kakashi is pretty sure Gai doesn’t love the job, he’s pretty sure Gai is only doing this to keep an eye on Kakashi, to keep Kakashi from shutting him totally out. Gai is no fool; Kakashi knows he’s right about this. This job keeps people at arm's length and Kakashi can’t remember the last time he even talked to any of the shinobi he used to know who aren’t ANBU.

_Would you leave ANBU for him? Does he really mean that much to you?_

The fact that Kakashi can answer that without even thinking hard about it makes him sit down suddenly. It makes him really think, really think about the way he feels about Gai, the way he looks at the other man. Kakashi’s stomach knots and he feels physically ill, but it doesn’t change anything really. He’s made his decision.

III.

“You retired.”

Gai’s voice is soft, controlled in a way Gai’s voice should never be. Kakashi doesn’t ask him how he got into Kakashi’s apartment or what he’s doing there. He just drops his bags by the door and takes two steps into the tiny space.

“Yeah,” He doesn’t look at Gai when he says it, “I thought I’d give teaching a try instead.”

The idea that someone might be stupid enough to place the welfare of genin in his hands terrifies Kakashi but he doesn’t tell Gai that. Kakashi turns away from the other man instead, looks out the window, thinks he needs a drink, and not to be having this conversation. He can feel Gai staring at his back, still strangely unmoving and silent.

Kakashi sighs, “look-”

“I don’t understand.” Gai says cutting through whatever it was Kakashi was going to say. Gai sounds a little bit angry, and a little bit sad, “ANBU was what you wanted.”

Kakashi turns at that really looks at Gai, and Gai looks sad. Gai is holding his shoulders like he’s trying to disappear into himself. Kakashi knows that stance and it makes him ache to see it now. “I did,” He tells Gai truthfully, “but that’s not what I want any more,” _not what I wanted for you._ “Are you going to stay?”  
Kakashi cocks his head to the side watching Gai trying to seem as if he’s not holding his breath. He’s not sure what he’ll do if Gai says yes.

“I don’t know.” Gai thinks about it, “It’s no secret I suppose that I don’t . . . I’m not . . . AMBU is a fine and noble calling but it isn’t-”

“It’s ok,” Kakashi interrupts Gai’s foundering, “I get it.”

Gai is very quiet again for a long moment. “Kakashi, why did you leave?” Gai asks again just as quietly, but there is stubbornness there too, and Gai, won’t take no for an answer.

Kakashi sighs and gives up, “Gai . . .”

Kakashi crosses the small distance between them, stands very close and Gai doesn’t back up. Kakashi reaches up and slowly pulls down his mask and Gai blinks but still doesn’t move. Kakashi sighs again, and this moment was inevitable he thinks. And to think when they had first been introduced it had been so brilliant Hatake Kakashi could help, poor mediocre Maito Gai become a better ninja.

Kakashi smiles slightly and leans forward to kiss Gai. Gai doesn’t respond for a split second as Kakashi’s lips gently press against his, and Kakashi’s being careful, more so then he’d ever be with anyone else, but he doesn’t want to mess this up. Then Gai’s lips move, and open under his and Gai’s hands slide around Kakashi’s waist pulling him forward against the other man. Gai’s body feels solid, and big against Kakashi’s. Gai’s hands are very gentle on Kakashi’s waist, his mouth moving against Kakashi’s is a little unsure and Kakashi suddenly feels equal parts protective and possessive of this man.

“Kakashi . . . ” Gai says pulling back a little and Kakashi shakes his head no, _don’t tell me we can’t do this, don’t tell me to stop, please._ He kisses Gai again and Gai’s hands tighten on his waist. “Kakashi . . .” Gai pulls away from him again, “we can’t.”

“Gai,” That’s not what Kakashi wants to hear, not when his whole body is saying yes, _yes, yes_ , this is worth giving ANBU up. “Yes we can.”

Gai is already shaking his head though, trying to untangle himself from Kakashi, “I won’t . . . if you need someone to sleep with Kakashi you need to find someone else.”

For the second time in forty-eight hours Kakashi looses it because of Gai. He grabs the other man and slams him up against the nearest wall faster then he can think. Gai grabs the arm Kakashi has pressed against Gai’s chest and twists it up, not hard enough to break or damage but hard enough to remind Kakashi that attacking Gai is usually a very, very bad idea. Not that he cares at this point.

“I do not want to randomly sleep with you, you idiot!” Kakashi all but snarls and he can’t remember the last time he was this pissed off and actually showed it. Gai just seems to know how to push all his buttons at the same. Kakashi doesn’t really know what to do with that. He’s not stopping to think about it though, he’s not stopping to think about anything. He kisses Gai again, harsh and demanding. Gai’s head goes back with an audible crack against the wall, but Kakashi doesn’t let up the hard pressure of his mouth, against Gai’s. He bites down until he tastes blood and Gai grabs him across the back of Kakashi’s uniform and yanks him closer grinding their bodies together in a way that is just as painful as the kiss. Kakashi jerks back finally, hands fisting in Gai’s ugly green spandex. “I quit ANBU for you.” he grinds out, “so don’t . . . don’t presume to know what I want, ” he kisses Gai again and Gai grabs him by the shoulders and spins them until Kakashi is pressed against the wall.

“And you just assumed that I wanted that?”

Gai sounds angry but also a little lost. Kakashi loosens his grip on the front of Gai’s shirt and places his hand flat against the other man’s chest, “I couldn’t stay” he tells Gai just this once going with being completely honest. He seems to have already dug himself into such a deep hole he figures it can’t hurt, “couldn’t watch you turn into someone like me.”

Gai pulls back at that, looking almost shocked. Then something in his eyes softens and Gai takes Kakashi’s face between his hands. “There is nothing wrong with you.”

Kakashi grinds his teeth because the gentleness in Gai’s eyes is far too close to sympathy or pity. He tries to pull back away from Gai but Gai kisses him then. This time is slow and deep and Gai licks at Kakashi’s lower lip until Kakashi opens his mouth. Gai’s tongue pushes inside and Kakashi meets it with his own, and his hands come up to fist against the back of Gai’s flak jacket.

“You really annoy the hell out of me sometimes Gai.” Kakashi tells him when they break apart for air and Gai looks slightly hurt for a moment and then snorts and kisses Kakashi again.

Somewhere along the way Kakashi manages to push Gai’s flak jacket off wide shoulders and walk them backwards towards his bedroom. Gai pushes Kakashi’s jacket off and then starts trying to peal the rest of his uniform off as well. Kakashi pushes Gai down the small incline into his bedroom and Gai manages to wrestle off Kakashi’s shirt.

“I want to see you.” Gai pulls off Kakashi’s mask as well. Kakashi’s gaze go across the room the picture on the sill over his bed and he considers turning it around or putting it under the bed or something, he has a thing about his sensei staring at him during sex with that fucking smirk. Gai runs big, callused, hands up Kakashi’s chest and then back down so that blunt fingernails scrape a little against Kakashi’s muscles and Kakashi looses track of what he’s been thinking about all together. Gai bends slightly to suck and bite at the skin where neck meets shoulder and Kakashi sighs and rocks against Gai letting his eyes slide shut for a moment and Gai’s hand run up and down his chest again, then go down to pull at his waist moving their hips together, and then back up to brush across a nipple. Kakashi gasps as Gai does it again, fingers pulling and pressing at the little nubs, and Kakashi’s eyes slide close, his breath comes ragged.

“Gai-”

Gai grabs Kakashi around the waist and turns them until Kakashi’s back is pressed against the wall again, and Kakashi doesn’t like being pinned to anything and wonders vaguely why it isn’t bothering him now. Gai’s hand slides down to cup Kakashi’s ass and he pushes the other man slightly up the wall, until Kakashi makes a faint noise and wraps his legs around Gai’s waist. Kakashi’ rocks forward a little bit allowing his trapped erection to rub against Gai’s hard stomach through there layers of clothes. Gai gasps, pressed his face against Kakashi’s throat and rocks his hips forward and Kakashi thinks Gai is wearing far, far too much.

Kakashi grabs at Gai’s shoulders and gets distracted by the feel of hard muscles under his hands. He kisses Gai’s throat, right below his ear before pulling away. “Your clothes. You need to take them off. Now.”

  
Gai nods then lets Kakashi slide back down the wall so he’s standing and then starts fumbling with his uniform, trying to get it off. Kakashi takes the opportunity to gets his boots and pants and the rest of his clothes off. Gai pushes his green spandex jump suit down and off finally and Kakashi closes the short distance and kisses Gai pushing their bodies together again. Gai’s body is strong, solid, scarred and Kakashi makes a keening noise in the back of throat and pushes closer and Gai’s fingers travel over Kakashi’s chest, shoulders, neck, back, hips tracing old scars.

“Beautiful.” Gai says very softly and Kakashi snorts and then pushes them both towards the bed. They half fall onto it and Kakashi pulls Gai down for another kiss, runs his fingers through Gai’s hair, liking the feel of Gai’s weight pushing him down onto the bed.

Kakashi pushes the bigger man a little bit, scoots out from under him, and Gai is kneeling with a little frown on his face. Kakashi pushes himself flat on the bed and leans forward and Gai gasps as Kakashi takes the tip of Gai’s cock into his mouth. Kakashi pulls away from Gai’s cock briefly to nuzzle at his stomach before bending down again. He licks down Gai’s hard length and grins before taking the tip back into his mouth. He licks and sucks and Gai cries out, hands clenching at his sides, and his whole body shakes. Kakashi hums a little loving the feel of Gai, the taste of him, wanting more.

He pulls away finally, ignoring Gai’s little cry of loss and kisses the other man hard, pushes his tongue into Gai’s mouth, and Gai’s hand grab at Kakashi’s back and shoulders, his tongue pushes against Kakashi’s.

Kakashi breaks the kiss and pushes Gai down, face first, onto the bed. Gai lets out a small grunt and Kakashi thinks maybe he should have been a tad gentler. He kisses the back of Gai’s neck to make up for it, kisses down his back. He rubs both hands across Gai’s ass and Gai has an incredible ass, unsurprisingly enough and Kakashi tries not to drool. Kakashi bends down and bites at the cheeks of the other man’s ass and Gai goes completely still pressed against the bed. Kakashi does it again and all the air rushes out of Gai in a long breath and Gai makes a high plaintive noise and Kakashi grins. He licks at the bite marks and hears Gai sigh and shift against he bed. Kakashi bites him again, right over the last marks until they stand out dark and bruised against Gai’s tanned skin, and how Gai’s managed to get his ass tanned Kakashi doesn’t really want to think about right now. He rubs his hands across Gai’s ass again, spreads him open and licks teasingly between the cheeks and Gai’s breath hitches again. Kakashi licks right behind Gai’s ball and Gai pushes himself up onto his hands and knees, panting hard. Kakashi licks back up to circle around Gai’s hole, licking and kissing lightly, and Gai makes another soft noise, rocking back a little. Kakashi reaches down between Gai’s legs rolling his balls and then tugs on them a little and Gai cries out, thrusting back and it’s only Kakashi’s ninja relaxes that stop him from being hit in the face.

“Fuck, sorry.” Gai mumbles into the bed, he’s flushed, panting, his face pressed into the blankets ass in the air, Kakashi feels slightly dizzy. “Kakashi-”

Kakashi makes a shushing noise and smacks Gai lightly on the ass, and Gai turns slightly to glare at him. Kakashi slides backwards off the bed and Gai’s eyes widen and Kakashi smiles at him reassuringly as he rummages around in his nightstand. Kakashi thinks about but discards the anal beads, dildo and butt plug as he comes to them before grabbing the condom and lube he’s been looking for. Later, they can use the toys.

Gai makes a little panting noise when he sees what Kakashi’s holding and Kakashi gets harder if that’s even possible at this point. He runs one hand down Gai’s back, admiring the muscles that are standing out in the other man’s arms and thighs, the way his hair is stuck to his face with sweat, his dripping erection, the dark purple bite mark on his ass.

“I want to fuck you,” Kakashi kisses the back of Gai’s neck then presses his forehead against Gai’s wide back, “so if that’s not okay with you tell me now.”

Gai shakes his head and pushes his hips back against Kakashi and Kakashi kisses the back of Gai’s neck again Gai actually growls “Kakashi-”

Kakashi sits back only long enough to slick up his fingers.

“Hush,” he tells Gai, stroking his hand down Gai’s back and Kakashi is hardly ever gentle during sex but Gai just seems to bring it out in him. He kisses the small of Gai’s back, then slowly, gently presses one finger into Gai and Gai pants, and fists the blankets again, presses his face into the bed.

“More.” Gai’s voice is hoarse and unsteady and Kakashi closes his eyes.

“Slowly Gai.”

“No,” Gai pushes back suddenly, “more.”

Kakashi pushes two fingers inside of him and Gai groans, “Kakashi don’t tease.”

Kakashi presses up into him, and Gai cries out and arches back.

“There, right there.”

“Yeah.” Kakashi kisses Gai’s back once more before pulling away from him. He rips the condom open with his teeth, hisses a little when he touches his own neglected cock, pants when he slicks himself up. “Damn, fuck, damn.”

“Kashi-” Gai’s voice is a little muffled from where he’s face is still pressed against the bed, he sounds desperate, Kakashi realizes vaguely he’s never heard Gai sound desperate before, but he definitely want to hear it again, a lot. Gai sighs when Kakashi push into him and Kakashi groans and closes his eyes and then opens them again to watch Gai. Gai’s eyes are closes too, his lips are parted and after a few moment he pushes himself up onto his hand and knees again and pushes back against Kakashi and Kakashi takes the hint and starts to thrust, slow but deep. Sweat tricks down Gai’s back and arms and he makes small keening noises and thrust back to meet Kakashi half way. The pace is both too slow and too good and Kakashi’s body shakes and he clutches at Gai’s hips until his knuckles go white and he’s sure he’s leaving marks.

“Gai” Kakashi gasps and in his mind repeats it over and over again, _Gai_. He is here, and this is real, they are really doing this. Kakashi can’t for the life of him think why they waited this long. He pushes into Gai, as deep as possible, kisses Gai’s back, tightens his grip on the other man. Gai is making a keening almost broken sound continuously now, rocking his hips back, his mouth slightly open. His arms are shaking from supporting his body, and Kakashi thinks he’s beautiful, really, truly beautiful. Gai cries out finally, whole body going stiff and then shaking with his release and Kakashi swears, and bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, as he comes too.

Kakashi falls on Gai and they both crash down onto the bed, which shakes and groans and Kakashi really doesn’t care at all. They lie there for what feels like hours until Gai moves. He rolls them both over so that Kakashi is lying against Gai’s chest and Gai wraps his arms around Kakashi, and Kakashi notes they’re still shaking ever so slightly. Kakashi wants to say something, is almost afraid of what that something might be, and he suddenly feels very fragile and very close to something that scares the crap out of him. He looks up at Gai, but the other man’s eyes are closed, his chest rising and falling slowly, and soon he starts to snore softly. Kakashi sighs and kisses Gai’s neck and closes his own eyes.

IV.

Kakashi opens his one good eye much, _much_ too early and scowls at the world but particularly his alarm clock which tells him it’s far too early in the morning for him to be conscious for anything other then threat of sudden death. He looks up at Gai, who’s looking down at him and Gai smiles slightly.

“I’ve been thinking Kakashi, and I think you will make a Wonderful, Youthful teacher.”

Kakashi contemplates killing him, but it’s too early for that, so instead he thumps Gai on the chest with his fist, and mutters, “fuck off,” then snuggles closer to the other man, closing his eyes again.

Gai laugh making his chest vibrate with the deep noise and Kakashi makes a disgruntled sound through his nose and thinks about sudden death again. “Go back to sleep Gai.”

“But Rival it’s much too late in the day for that.” Gai actually makes to throw back the covers and get out of bed and Kakashi wraps his entire body around the other man and locks him in place.

“Oh no you don’t, I’m warm and comfortable with you here.”

“But I always run this time of morning.” Gai actually sounds like he might be pouting but Kakashi’s not opening his eyes, not even for that.

“Fuck running. Nobodies trying to kill you. Now lie back in bed like a normal person.”

“Kakashi,” Now Gai sounds like he’s talking to small misbehaving child and Kakashi sighs and rolls off him.

“There, happy now. Go run or do push-ups or whatever.” He wraps his arms around a pillow and snuggles up to it even though it really isn’t the same; he decides not to tell Gai that. He hears Gai get up and move around Kakashi’s bedroom. After a minute Gai goes into the bathroom and Kakashi hears the water run and then the shower start. Evidently Gai doesn’t believe in long relaxing showers anymore then he believes in sleeping in, because after what feels like only three minutes tops Kakashi hears the shower turn off. Gai comes back into the bedroom and Kakashi considers opening his eyes, just incase Gai in only wearing a towel.

“You’re going to be better then me.” He says without opening his eyes, listening to Gai rummage around the room.

The noise stops, “at what?” Gai sounds perplexed. Kakashi cracks one eye open, sure enough Gai is only wearing a towel and he’s bending over in the act of picking something off the floor. Kakashi looses his train of thought for several minutes while Gai frowns at him. “Kakashi?”

“At teaching.” Kakashi punches the pillow several times and then snuggles closer to it again, “you’re going to make a really great teacher Gai.”

Gai’s eyes soften a little, “You think so?”

Kakashi smiles at him, “yeah.”

Just as long as he can find students willing to stick it out through the speeches, spandex and posing long enough to realize what a truly exceptional shinobi Gai is. Kakashi doesn’t say that though. He just closes his eyes again and rolls over, still clutching the pillow and after a few minutes of rooting around the room and getting dressed, Gai pads into the kitchen.

“Make me coffee.” Kakashi yells after him.

Gai give him a thumbs-up and a _what do you think I’m stupid enough not to know that already?_ look.

Kakashi grins to himself.

He doesn’t know what he’ll be without ANBU but he knows what Gai is, was, will be.

For now that’s good enough.


End file.
